I have the unfortunate habit of befriending gorgeous girls with hot bodies who win all-inlcusive vacations and take me with them. Why does my life have to be so haaaaaard? ;)
I know, I know. SHUT UP!
Seriously though, no one wants to be the schlumpy friend. And even though I'm super excited for my trip, but I can't help but be a little panicked about having to be in a bathing suit next to this girl:
Oh yes, people I have to disrobe next to THAT. Even though I don't anticipate receiving any offers to be the next 800lb lady at the circus, let's just say that after two children my abs sure as hell don't look like that. Not. Even. Close. I'm actually not even sure I have abs anymore. Perhaps I gave birth to them too... Hmmm, something to look in to...
In any event, I've been trying to find a bathing suit that reads "I gave birth nine months ago" across the tush, but haven't had any luck. Maybe I should just get a cute coverup, or find some fat ugly people to sit next to so I look good... It's all relative people, all relative.
Abs or no, one week from today I'll be sipping a pina colada under a palm tree in Mexico with one of my best friends in the whole world. So what if she makes me look like a schlump? As I've been known to say: "Don't like it, don't look."