Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Warning: Curves Ahead!

Bathing suit shopping might just be the worst thing ever.  It sucks when you're skinny and feel good about yourself.  Doing it 10 weeks after having a baby = TORTURE!  Yet, with a trip to Florida scheduled for April break, I had no choice.

What is it with dressing room lighting?   I know I'm not back to pre-baby shape, but come on!  There should be a disclaimer on the mirror that reads:  if suicidal thoughts occur, discontinue bathing suit trials immediately.  Nothing like seeing your stretch marks gleam in the unnatural light of the fitting room while evaluating your chub from every angle!  Blech!  All I needed was Stacy and Clinton's 360 degree mirror and millions of viewers and I might have just harpooned myself.

Suicidal jokes aside, I actually found something that I don't want to kill myself in.  (Oops did it again).

Now I'm usually a bikini kind of girl (actually all I own are bikinis) but if the extra 10 pounds, stretch marks, and cellulite weren't enough to convince me otherwise, the fact that my linea negra is still in full force sealed the deal: no bikinis for me.  So, what to do?   My husband suggested a snow suit, which I thought was pretty rude, but was actually starting to seem like a viable option.  One pieces never fit me properly, and tankinis tend to be just short enough to expose a love handle or two.  Lovely.

Lucky for me, Old Navy actually makes swim suits for women!  Post-baby women at that!  So what that I need a medium top and a large bottom?!  This number actually didn't look half bad:

Mix and Match swim separates on sale for $10 each!
You didn't actually think I'd post a picture of me in it did you?
Ha!  You're so silly!

Now I just need to finish that sign for my lounge chair that reads:  "Please excuse my flaccid figure, I gave birth 10 weeks ago and haven't seen the inside of a gym in two years."  Or better yet:  "Don't like it?  Don't look!"

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