Finding the Courage

When the alarm clock went off at six o'clock this morning, all I wanted to do was roll over and go back to sleep.  I was chilled, it was still dark out, and I was tired.  In another life, I would have called in sick to work for what I used to call a "mental health day" - I'd spend the day curled up with a good book, a cozy sweater, a hot cup of tea and just re-charge.

Alas, moms don't get sick days, let alone mental health days, so I got my ass out of bed, brushed my teeth, and slapped on some comfy clothes.  No shower today.  Didn't have time to get in and get out before the beasties awoke.

At least I'll be comfy and cozy...

The truth is, I'm having a tough time balancing this whole work-at-home mom thing.  I get about 8 hours of childcare per week, the rest of the time I'm with my kiddos.  They are up by 7 and aren't in bed until 9... sooo yeah not much time for me.  How long can I keep up my routine of staying up til midnight working?  Probably not too long.  What am I willing to let go?  Here's the problem: I don't want to give up anything.  I get to be home with my children and have crafted the career of my dreams.  I just don't ever get a break.

That's my issue right now:  zero down time.  And while I thrive on doing a million things at once, I've always needed a breather now and again.

So this morning, things are a little different over at the Sanzo house.  There are no children:  Colten is at school and Cooper is at my neighbor's.  I'm drinking a HOT (this is a novelty) cup of coffee, listening to Ani, and writing with a realness I usually don't have the time or the energy for.  The truth is this whole grown up thing is pretty hard and life rarely goes as planned.  And for this little planner, that's a tough pill to swallow.  Because to be perfectly honest, I'm not living the life I imagined.

I thought I'd be the SAHM who made craft projects, baked, and taught her kids to read by three.  I didn't plan on special needs children, or the sudden urge to be an entrepreneur, or cashing in my teaching pension to be a fashion blogger and personal stylist.  Those aren't things I planned.  I planned on being Suzy Homemaker, getting my PhD, and teaching at a local college once my kids were in school.  Plans change.  People grow up.

As I sit here listening to music that can't help but bring me back to the girl I used to be, I can't help but smile and wish I could tell her that the beauty in life is that it can't be planned, that most of it lies just beyond our control.  But if we're brave enough to adapt and let go of the life we imagined, we get to live one we never even dreamed.  And if we're really lucky, we get to walk this crazy journey surrounded by people we love, a faith that sustains us, and the occasional child-free morning to reflect and realize that our blessings outnumber our woes.

Perspective.  Try it.  It does a body good.

xoxo

Jenny

 

Happy Blogoversary to Me!

Today marks the two year anniversary of The Flower City Fashionista.  Wow!  Part of me feels like I've been doing this forever, while the rest of me still feels like a newbie without a clue.

So much has happened since I started this blog in April 2011 only to find out I was pregnant with baby #2 (aka Cooper) four short weeks later.  The blog took off faster than I ever could have imagined, but I was so sick during my pregnancy that my it had to go on the back burner.  Time ticked on, Colten was diagnosed with Childhood Apraxia of Speech and before I knew it I had a baby, and a special needs 3 year old, and a blog.  I moved forward, kept writing, my audience grew, and before I knew it, this space could no longer contain all the local Rochester buzz in additional to my personal style ramblings which were garnering the attention of a national audience.  In August 2012,  Flower City Fashion and Beauty was born and I became the author of not one blog, but two.

Blogging has quite possibly been the best thing to happen to me.

It got me writing again.  It gave me my sense of self back (easily lost in the sea of motherhood) and it allowed me the creative outlet I so desperately needed.  Without my reawakened passion for writing, I never would have pitched myself to Lori Perkins for Fifty Writers on Fifty Shades of Grey.  I never would have met so many incredible bloggers, business women, and entrepreneurs, who challenge and encourage me every day.  And let's be honest - I'm a stay at home mom - without this blog, I would have nothing to call my own.  It has allowed me to stay me, what better gift is there than that?

This blog has become a little slice of heaven for me; an escape.  I can't write as often as I'd like or do all the networking and collaborating that I want to.  And even though I hear myself say "no" an awful lot more than I would have hoped - I'm here.  I'm writing.  I'm promoting small businesses, local designers and American-made brands.  I've started my own business as a stylist and personal shopper.  I've taken on freelance writing jobs, edited two novels, and become the Fashion and Beauty Blogger for Rochester A-List.

I feel alive.  I've discovered than I can be more than a mama.  I'm a writer.  I'm a woman.  I'm the Flower City Fashionista.  And I love what I do.

In the spirit of nostalgia, I've included links to my some of my favorite posts from the past two years.  Enjoy!

1. My First Post 

2. My Eye Brow History

3.  An Homage to My Mama and Me

4.  My Runway Modeling Debut  + More Runway

5.  Announcing My Pregnancy to the World

6.  Some Bad Hair (Mine)

7.  Me Pregnant

8.  Coopy is Born 

9.  My Dirty Thirty

10. What I Believe

Thanks for reading.  Stick around.  Spread the word.  Without you guys, none of this would be possible!

Love you all more than you know!

xoxo

Jenny

PS- What's your favorite fashionista post?  I've love to know.

2012 Year in Review

2012 - What a year it was!

Cooper was born.

Colten was diagnosed with Apraxia.

I turned 30.

Steve and I celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary.

We met Nancy Kaufman - spent half our summer in Michigan - and finally got Colten on the road to recovery.

I created Flower City Fashion - a local spin off of this blog - and actually turned this "hobby" of mine into a part time business.

I was published.

It was a year of milestones and joys at its best; tinged with fear, desperation, and frustration at its worst.  Yet through the ups and downs I was once again blown away by all of the wonderful people in my life.  Blown away by how blessed we are.  Blown away by knowing even though for most of the year I felt like I was barely keeping my head above water, when I look back it was a great year.

I am hopeful for the future.  I am happy.  I am blessed.  And I know that 2013 will bring more words, more love, and more wonderful people into my life.  This is only the beginning.  I might be 30, but my life has only just begun.

Happy New Year!

xoxo

Jenny